Five Weapons #1 (2013)

 

Cover:

Man, whoever is trying to kill him off panel has terrible aim.

Plot:

Meet Tyler Shainline; son of two very great assassins.  He is enrolled in a rather unusual school that teaches the kids of hitmen and hitwomen to be the best killers in five different fields/weapons.  However, he holds no real interest fighting and instead prefers to use his mind.

Our Hero:

He’s got the mind of Adrian Monk, but without the fears.

Our Villains:

Not clear yet, but I bet they’ll show soon enough.

Our Side Characters:

I like this nurse, missing nose and all.

Action:

Surprisingly minuscule in this comic.

Dialogue:

Hey, she told them to go play with blades, not guns.  Wrong dangerous weapons kids!

Art:

You know, the servants both have black hair, but their son has blonde.  I wonder…

Most Memorable Moment:

Who the hell are you snake kid?

Final Page:

Oh this smack-down he’s planning is going to be so awesome.

What We Should Take from This Comic:

Tyler is an oddball in this school, especially with his talking and the fact that he has no weapons.  However, it may appear that he won’t be needing them for what he has planned.

What We Do Take From This Comic:

So bandages do not go over the skin, but over the clothing?  This nurse confuses me.

Yay or Nay?

Yay

The Uncanny SkullKickers #1 (2013)

Cover:

I know I’ve seen this cover before… but where?

Plot:

Our heroes, Kusia and Rex, have been shipwrecked on an island and now must find a way to survive until they can get off.  Meanwhile, there is a second story about a dead dwarf floating in the sea.  What?  I’m not making this up about the second story.

Our Heroes:

Aww, an odd couple if there ever was one.

Our Villains:

Evil, dastardly turtles...

Our Side Characters:

He’s three feet under.

Action:

I’m pretty sure some of those sound effects aren’t real sounds.

Dialogue:

So that sword also doubles as an alarm clock?  Works for me!

Art:

It’s so not as pretty as the cover.

Most Memorable Moment:

Damn that turtle terror.

Final Page:

Apes with horns indeed.

What We Should Take from This Comic:

Well Kusia and Rex are nowhere near getting off this island anytime soon and now have to deal with a tribe of dangerous looking horned apes.  Also, that dwarf is still dead.

What We Do Take From This Comic:

Sea creatures are thievin’ jerks.

Yay or Nay?

Yay?

Aquaman #17 (2013)

 

Cover:

 

Aquaman, you got super strength.  Those rusty bars shouldn’t be holding you back.

 

Plot:

 

This is the fallout to the Throne of Atlantis, where Aquaman has officially taken over as King of Atlantis.  However the tensions between him, the surface world, and even Atlantis itself is starting boil.

 

Our Hero:

 

I see he is starting to get a stubble.

 

Our Villain:

 

Like he cares about your license.

 

Our Side Characters:

 

Doesn’t want to make a scene?  Oh I believe she’ll make a scene alright.

 

Action:

 

Not really any.

 

Dialogue:

 

So how does one translate Vuu Vuu Vuu Vuu anyways?

 

Art:

 

Oh, look at the all the sea creatures!

 

Most Memorable Moment:

 

Same as the Art.

 

Final Page:

 

Argh, zombie!

 

What We Should Take from This Comic:

 

Atlantean weaponry ending up the wrong hands, Mera arrested,  public opinion on Aquaman and Atlantis down the crapper, and a zombie king rising?  Man, things are not looking up for the new king.

 

What We Do Take From This Comic:

 

Oh yeah, the police going to arrest Mera.  This can only end well.

 

Yay or Nay?

 

Yay



Justice League Dark #17 (2013)

Cover:

 

Frankenstein is unimpressed with your silly machine.

 

Plot:

 

John and his compatriots are under lock and key in a mysterious lab while Zatanna and Timothy Hunter begin their march on the futuristic city with the help of the mystical creatures of the world.  Meanwhile, this world and their homeworld are starting break apart.

 

Our Heroes:

 

The true awesome hero here is Frankenstein.  Always so awesome.

 

Our Villains:

 

So in this world, doctors are clones?

 

Our Side Characters:

 

I’m sorry, but I don’t a relationship between a green giantess and a very short, yellow… mole thing will work out.

 

Action:

 

Frankenstein always knows how to throw a punch.

 

Dialogue:

 

Stop expositing and just figure out how to fix this mess!

 

Art:

 

*Shivers* Man can that artist draw an extremely old woman.

 

Most Memorable Moment:

 

Frankenstein Smash!

 

Final Page:

 

And now… CHARGE!!!

 

What We Should Take from This Comic:

 

Before Madame Xanadu passes out, she delivers a message that not everyone will be returning home when all is said and done.  However, with everything collapsing and a war about to break out, just how many will exactly get to go home?

 

What We Do Take From This Comic:

 

Frankenstein is awesome and that’s all you need to know.

 

Yay or Nay?

 

yay

FF #4 (2013)

Cover:

 

Eww… someone get some Windex!

 

Plot:

 

Jennifer Walters, otherwise known as She-Hulk, is meeting up to go on a little “date” with her old friend, Wyatt Wingfoot.  However, the Moloids will not stand for someone crushing on their own crush!

 

Our Heroes:

 

I wonder how much it costs to get outfits tailor made for She-Hulk’s physique?

 

Our Villain:

 

I’m sure there is one out there, but he or she hasn’t presented his/herself yet.

 

Our Side Characters:

 

I’m sorry, but I don’t a relationship between a green giantess and a very short, yellow… mole thing will work out.

 

Action:

 

Couldn’t even make a dent in that layer of ice?  What a lame monster.

 

Dialogue:

 

Heh, I like these yellow creatures.

 

Art:

 

I didn’t know newspapers were in 3D now.  The images are just popping off the pages!

 

Most Memorable Moment:

 

No, this was totally on you alone.

 

Final Page:

 

Hey, her text coloring is different!

 

What We Should Take from This Comic:

 

Well Bentley-23 couldn’t even break up or ruin a simple date between two people and he starts to question if can truly become a supervillain.  However, Medusa wants to help him achieve his little destiny for some reason.  That is, if she is Medusa.

 

What We Do Take From This Comic:

 

Do not pay mind to strange lights under the water.  They are perfectly normal.

 

Yay or Nay?

 

Yay

Talon #5 (2013)

Cover:

 

Doesn’t happen until the end… sort of.

 

Plot:

 

Calvin Rose and friends plan out their next attack on the Court of Owls, aiming to destroy one of the biggest places and companies they own.  However, the Court may not be far behind him, along with another figure.

 

Our Hero:

 

He’s right, it is good to relax every now and then.

 

Our Villain:

 

I wonder how he gets around without people noticing him, considering the size.

 

Our Side Characters:

 

It’s always nice to have a happy kid character in a DC Comic for once.

 

Action:

 

Not really any form this time around.

 

Dialogue:

 

It’s quite freshing to have these nice character moments.

 

Art:

 

Nice underwater effect with the coloring.

 

Most Memorable Moment:

 

Your dad is definitely insane, but not far off.

 

Final Page:

 

So… were all of these guys just hanging out down there waiting for something to happen?

 

What We Should Take from This Comic:

 

In going to destroy the Securitus, the biggest company the Court has in Gotham, Calvin Rose may have bitten off more than he chewed considering who the particular own the place is. Meanwhile, the Gotham Butcher tracks Rose to Gotham setting up for another brutal confrontation in the future.

 

What We Do Take From This Comic:

 

This needs the Mission Impossible theme music badly.

 

Yay or Nay?

 

Yay

Punisher: War Zone #5 (2013)

Cover:

Oh hey, the Punisher shaved between issues.

Plot:

Frank Castle has just broken Cole out of jail to avoid the death penalty, but with the Avengers in hot pursuit, Castle makes a decision.

Our Hero:

Didn’t end well I suppose.

Our Villains:

It’s just never Iron Man’s day when he faces the Punisher, is it?

Our Side Characters:

Good bye Cole!  We’ll probably never see you again after this issue!

Action:

Curses!  Foiled by spider webbing!

Dialogue:

Good old Captain; knows just right things to say.

Art:

It’s so not as pretty as the cover.

Most Memorable Moment:

Iron Man, you just cannot win in this battle can you?

Final Page:

The punishing will be contained!  Punish on my dear girl!

What We Should Take from This Comic:

The war between the Avengers and the Punisher is over.  Both sides won and lost ultimately.  Despite it all though, punishing the guilty will live on.

What We Do Take From This Comic:

Damn it, why does it all have to end!?

Yay or Nay?

Yay